i think getting out of my parents house is what i needed to fully step into this new part of my life. The transition stage is over. im done messing around and testing the waters. i know what i want for myself and for my life. in the last couple months i have learned how to love myself without depending on others to affirm me. i know my limits and what i wont settle for. ive defenitly made some mistakes in the last few months (especially in the last couple weeks) but i wouldn't take any of it back. Im going to learn and become a better person because of it. and ive been blessed with so many amazing friends that have my back and will be there for me no matter what. I think when you are in a relationship you forget how important it is to have meaningful friendships. And because of my friends i have had the best couple months of my entire life. Some of the most ridiculous times of my life definitely, but i have learned what is important to me. I am happy being a positive person, i love waking up and feeling like i am someone that can be trusted and someone that can be loved for being myself.

And i guess what i am getting to is that there is this boy. And this boy makes me happy, but what makes it even better that i know i was happy before i met him. Its nice not to be dependent on someone to make you happy. Buttttt im defenitly excited for where this is going. Im going to do this right this time, and hes on the same page as me. Im excited to get to know him and go through life with him before we jump into a relationship. And ive never done that. and maybe its because i was so desperate for someone to love me that i moved fast with anyone i could see a relationship with (and obviously that didn't work out for me). and this boy in particular is someone i care deeply about, and if we were to ever date i would want it to be something that is done the right way. not because either one of us wants to be affirmed as a person, or either one of us wants to feel desired. i want it to be so much more than that.

And if it happens with him i will be really happy, and if not i know i will find someone else but i know i am happy with who i am as a person. im not gonna change for anyone to try to get them to love me. because then they aren't actually loving who i truelly am. So take me as i am, or this isn't gonna work.

yea i feel like i am rambling. but im really stoked on life. even with all the bad, life is amazing if you don't let the bad hold you down.