i guess things are going back to normal. after a few days of wanting to lock myself in my apartment for the remainder of the semester, and maybe leaving once and awhile to go buy more cigarettes and go to class, things started to turn around. I forced myself to continue living my life with help of my amazing friends. i guess i can see how much ive changed in the last couple years. if this was two years ago, i would of just locked myself up and gone into a bitter depression. but life is too beautiful, and my friends are too important to me to drop everything for my own selfish reasons. i obviously fucked up, and im going to mess up time and time again. but i can't try to stop my life.

So i put myself out there this weekend, and it payed off. I don't do alot of things because of fear of rejection, but i've learned that more often then not when you put yourself out there you get welcomed with open arms. and this weekend i had an amazing time. i built a friendship with someone who i was intimidated to even talk to, (prolly cus hes adorable) Its nice to be around someone that you are consistently laughing with, where there is no akward silence, and where you both are completely open honest with each other. even if this doesn't go past a friendship, i will be happy because im happy when im with him.

and once again, im content with my life. because no matter what happen, life goes on. and i will make mistakes, and i will be forgiven, and i will learn and become a better person. ANDDD im going to San Fran this weekend with my three best friends. i love that i always have things to look forward too, it defenitly keeps me going.