its all catching up to me

all the things i told myself didn't matter and that i could move past

but all of it matters, and i never moved past any of it

alcohol has fucked up everything in my life

one thing at a time

and i can't seem to give it up

and i see it fucking this up too

cus whos gonna wanna stick around when im such a lush.

you will never go back to being hollow again

what if everyone was made of hollow glass,

fragile, and cold to the touch

and everyone had a hard outer shell

What if we all broke

let the pieces shatter

as we jump into anothers arms

all of our body broken into shatters

and the pieces laying on the ground.

the one we jumped into, the one who broke us

no longer was a solid form either

just jagged slivers in the same pile as the ours

we would never be put back together

we would just lie entangled and broken with each others bodies.

i think thats why we would be glass

cus once you take that jump and once the crash happens

theres no going back

you will never go back to being hollow again

its hard to see beauty when you are underground

im so blessed. when i get upset and feel like the world is caving in on me. i open my eyes and see that there are amazing people around me. and regardless of what i've done they are there to support me and pick me up. and i don't argue with them, i don't question them. i know that life is amazing and beautiful. i know that my life is full of beautiful people, and exciting days. i know that i have been blessed with passions and dreams and need to continue on to see them happen.

i wanna wake up and see the beauty in every day. i went through a period where i did that. and i know that i can't be happy every day, but i want to go back to the mindset that i had before that every day is a new and beautiful day. im gonna be positive, and love, and live, and dance, and laugh, and paint. and when things get me down im gonna depend on those people around me that love me and ask for help and have them pick me back up. cus its hard to see the beautiful scenery when your underground.