#22

i want to give my brother a job for his birthday, and put nineteen candles on his cake and pretend he understands what i am going through.

feeling like i always say the wrong thing i pretend you didn't ask me what i did last night. if i open my mouth id prolly tell you all about the crystal meth i did last night.

Just because i can't lie to you

...No im just kidding

I think

just something i drew at work today

goodnight

i woke up today to my brother asking "you still sleeping". its pretty sad when my brother wakes up and showers before im even out of bed. i've recently started enjoying sleeping. i spent the day sitting on the step in front of my house today finishing my research paper for my english class and drinking coffee. If it wasn't for the coffee i don't think i would of ever completed a paper on Art Censorship that wasn't bitter. i added pictures at the end of the paper in an appendix, it looks good. I decided after running through the rain and having my Italian class cancled i should prolly stop being a molerat and go back to andy's porch. there are always people on the porch.

The weather was glorious today, id move away to keep this weather with me

A meteor shower is supposed to start this morning, hence why i am still awake

you've been updated...now you can go to sleep

-B

Jose Gonzalez - Heartbeats

Oxymorons are for dictionaries

I took this as i was driving home today. I spent all day in my cubicle at work and when i got out i got a beautiful surprise..it was raining!

my brother came home tonight from school. i miss him when hes not around.

Desperate to feel something, other then the wind in my hair as i drive on the freeway.

Rolling up my windows, listening to my wind shield wipers

I want to hear something other then lullabies your mother told you as a child

The words have no relavance to your life then or now, but they helped you fall asleep so they hold something close to 'good memories' to you. The happiest words your mother ever spoke.

Tell me something i've never heard before.

You can't see yourself ever getting married

Tell me something i haven't heard before

your casually concerned with my latest episode.

And i tell you to lay with me til i get the song out of my head. But as you lay next to me you fall asleep, your head on my chest. I can't stop thinking about my breathing, my chest rising and falling, raising your head with every breath. And my breaths start getting faster as i try to parallel my breathing with yours. Too fast, too much air.

It wakes you up,

and you are concerned with my latest episode

the olsen twins

i find it fascinating that after getting a cavity filled at the dentist, when you smoke a cigarette you can only feel the smoke enter your mouth on one side.

i like leaving a group of close friends to hang out with people that barely know me. there's something ironic about it, that makes me feel better

im procrastinating i should be doing school work right now, but i can't stop looking at pictures of the olsen twins.

April

Go watch "Exit through the gift shop"

San Diego

chasing seagulls

i need this, i wanna go on bike rides

are you there?

Today, i turned my phone off

perplexed, a desire the silence

Straight to voicemail, straight to exclusion.

A man from Teen choice asked me for money today as i sat in my garage, he complimented my painting, and i told him i was broke. I wondered as he walked away if he would of taken back the praise if he could.

I wonder if people call me today, and i don't hear the call, if they wish they hadn't of tried at all.

most of the time everything is so easy to dismiss.

so easy to fall to a level of sullenness. Without the slightest chance of rescue.

Today you all make me sick, ill, impaired, indisposed, queasy, nauseated, debilitated, confined, frail, green, lousy, and week.

Get out of my head

back seat

For three months i have thought of what i would say to you. The right way to say it without sounding bitter or desperate. Without sounding forgiving or satisfied. Making sure that every concept was covered thoroughly.

The questions need answers, your sweatshirt needs to leave the backseat of my car

You need to know how you destroyed this dreamer

But if i ever saw you, id take your face in my hand and kiss your forehead

and make sure that you have been ok

again, my feelings and questions would be in the backseat